After our third miscarriage I was so ready to stop the whole trying-to-conceive roller coaster...no more Dr's visits, infertility drugs or tears. I had definitely prayed through all my feelings of "needing" to have a biological child. Aaron and I had cried many, many tears over the loss of our three babies. And talked much about our next step. We joked as we filled out adoption paperwork where it asked about race. To us, it did not matter...could we put purple? Do you see my point? Our arms ached to be filled with a little, breathing person. One that Jesus had picked just for us. It did not matter that this baby could very well be brown, have curly, curly hair and wouldn't look a thing like either one of us. Now, we are coming to the place again in our lives. I, personally, am having to pray through those very same feelings again. I'm not going to lie. It's a very, very hard place to be. I know my Jesus made me to be a Mommy...and my arms ache with wanting to hold a child. My child. Let me just say I don't differentiate between biological and adopted. Both Halle and Elliott are my children. One grew in my heart and the other grew in my belly. I want to smell that sweet baby smell and wash those cute, tiny clothes. And you know what? I want a little boy. Our girl needs a little brother, my husband needs someone to work in the garage with and pass his Bronco on to....a little boy to learn about tube amps and guitars....how everything works. Yes, Halle does love her Daddy's Bronco and she would probably work in the garage, gladly. She will do anything if it includes spending uninterrupted time with her Daddy. But, you understand my point. I have his name picked out and I'm praying for him, specifically. Jesus knows the desires of my heart. But, that doesn't make this any easier. Adoption involves much cost and prayer. The first we don't have much of, thankfully, the last we have lots and lots of, along with friends and family that will come along side us. We spoke with our Adoption Agency last week and were encouraged by our sweet, kind contact Margaret. But, the fact still remains....it will cost us money that we don't have to bring home our sweet baby. This is how Jesus wants us to grow our family and we will gladly walk this road again....because he has asked us to do so.
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world" James 1:27