Thursday, October 20, 2011

My words....

This will be read at Elliott's service tomorrow, I wanted to share it with you all --

On July 8 I learned I was pregnant.  After three miscarriages, infertility treatments and the adoption of our sweet Halle girl, Jesus had blessed us once again…with a miracle.  Cautiously, Aaron and I entered into this new journey.  From day one our Elliott was always a child of Jesus.  Every time I would have a bump in the pregnancy I would pray, “Jesus, this is your baby.  Your gift you gave to us. YOU are in control”.  Countless times I prayed this very same prayer….when Satan was trying to steal my joy I was pressing into Jesus.  Aaron and I picked out names for our baby….each of us secretly praying that we would have a little boy to carry on the name’s of two very important people in our families who had gone on to be with Jesus.  Elliott Aamodt Benner.  What a strong, courageous name to give you.  One that is deep in tradition….one that your Grampie Davis carried as well as your Great-Grandpa Davis…the other that your Daddy was given, your cousin & your Great Grandpa Craner.  When we found out you were a boy your Daddy and I rejoiced!  We were so excited to see who you would look like…what color of hair you would have….would you have short legs like Daddy, or maybe longer like Mommy’s side of the family?  Our joy was short-lived as just three days later we got to meet you sweet Elliott…. Four months too soon. Now you are in heaven with Jesus, your Grampie & Great-Grandpa Craner.  We know they are taking such good care of you there!! 

I know many of you, like countless other’s I have talked with this past week, are wondering how I could do this.  How can a Mommy give birth to a son she will not see on this side of heaven?  My dear friends and family I will tell you.  The answer is simple….it’s one you should all know…Jesus.  He sustained me through Elliott’s delivery and is still doing the very same thing right now.  I’m not saying I don’t have rough days or moments.  I cry, Aaron comforts me and talks me through these moments.  We pray. We worship. We hug on our Halle girl.  And yes…we even eat ice cream and chocolate together.  But, we know without a shadow of a doubt this did not happen because of something Aaron, Halle or I did.  We know that our Jesus does not promise a world without trials and tribulations.  We know that only through HIM we can endure the loss of yet another child.  We know we will see our sweet Elliott again.  Jesus knows Elliott.  We know Jesus.  Elliott will always be a part of our lives.  We want to talk about him and tell you what he looked like with his tiny button nose & long legs and feet.  We want to share with others how Jesus gave Elliott to us as a precious gift. One that will never be taken for granted.  So friends and family this is not “good-bye”, but thankfully, “see you later”.  Until we meet Elliott in heaven one day!

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” James 1:17 (NIV)


Rebecca said...

It is a moment by moment battle to lean into and trust Jesus. The ways of the World tell us that tragedy is Karma or too difficult to live with that we can never be healed. God gave you Elliot and He knew that you would hold him only briefly. He knew that your heart would break. He is not immune to our suffering. You ARE doing so great but I know that even in that, there are melt down moments. You are human. I expect both from you. Keep fighting, keep leaning. Hug.

Hosanna said...

April, im soo sorry/sad to hear this:( I will be praying for you, Aaron and Halle.

In Christ

Mama D.'s Dozen said...

So. So. Sorry.

We have 2 babies waiting for us in heaven. One of them was due next week, yet we must now wait to meet him or her.

Hugs & Prayers from someone that knows and understands the pain of losing a child.


Dena said...

Well said dear friend. I love that I have been a part of his whole story. What a joy!!! What a blessing!! Thank you, Jesus for these "good and perfect gifts from above"