Tuesday, October 18, 2011

One week

One week ago today I was still in bed, confined to bed rest with sweet Elliott still moving around in my belly.  I was anxious, sad and very unsure of what would happen to our sweet little boy.  The day before I had started bleeding and had once again made an appointment with my Dr. to check things out.  One ultrasound later I was sent home with progesterone and a very short (less than 1 cm) cervix....put on bed rest and awaiting an appointment at the University of Washington Medical Center with a Perinatologist.  I'm a girl who likes the WHOLE story, I don't want Doctor's to mince their words and make them sound good.  I wanted to know where we stood....what were the chances of this little boy making it to full term.  My sweet Doctor could only say she was very worried.  The news at the U of W was encouraging and my cervix showed it was longer (2.5 cm), but....my placenta was almost touching my cervix...this most likely, was the cause for the bleeding.  I was sent home on pelvic rest and would be seen today, October 18 for a follow-up appointment at the U of W. Today instead, I'm home with a marginally flat belly, "Mommy" b**bs (as my dear sweet Dena calls them) and the promise that one day I will again see our sweet Elliott Aamodt in heaven.  We did not ask for this.  Jesus did not "make this happen" because of something Aaron, Halle or I had done.  We do not know why my cervix that was looking so promising decided to open up and dilate to three upon my admit to the hospital on early Thursday morning.  We only know that Jesus does not promise a world without trials and tribulations.  We know that only through HIM can we make it through the loss of another child.  We know where Elliott is.  We held him....we saw his sweet, sweet fingers and toes and the cutest button nose you have ever seen.  His life, though short lived is very precious indeed.  Jesus knows Elliott.  And we know Jesus.  Be patient with me as I pour out our experience on this blog.  I need this and I think you all do as well.  I pray that through Elliott's short life people will come to know our Jesus and the peace only He can bring.  Can I share with you a portion of scripture my husband handed to me this morning?  This really does sum up how we are feeling.

If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness.  We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives.  That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us.  As it is, there's not much chance of that.  You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at.  We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken.  What they did  to Jesus they do to us-trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us-he lives!  Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us.  While we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best! 2 Corinthians 4:7-12 (Message)


herent said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Elliot. I cried tears of joy when I found out you were pregnant, knowing we share the same diagnosis, and now crying tears of sadness for you. I've been praying for you daily, that Lord God would give you grace, strength and healing to your heart.
Heather TenKley

michele said...

Oh I am praying for healing sweet friend. Your attitude, outlook and faith is so inspiring.

Mo and BZ said...

April that is so beautifully written. I am so sorry for your loss of Elliot Aamodt. I love his name.:) You are inspiring others...... I said "Amen" about 15 times while reading your post:)

Stacy said...

Oh, April.

I am just now catching up on your blog... and am so sad to hear about your sweet Elliot. :(

I am so sorry, friend.

Your words, here-- they bring glory to God even in the midst of your loss. You shine Him.