One month....

One month ago today at 4:50pm I gave birth to our son, Elliott Aamodt.  Do I miss him??  Of course I do.  Do I remember him, most definitely. Today I'm remembering him so fondly.  Wishing I could just hold him again....count his fingers and his little toes.  Kiss his little button nose. But, he is in heaven with my Jesus and his Grampie.  Yesterday, was kind of a sad day.  I knew Aaron was all set to go to "Pipe Club" with his buddies.  I also knew, and remembered that the last time he went was the fateful night/early morning that I coughed when getting into bed and felt that gush of blood...this led to our trip to the ER and eventually the delivery of sweet Elliott.  So, it was bittersweet for Aaron....spending time with his friends, enjoying their company and remembering what happened that last time.  When he got home from work last night I asked how his day had been....he told me he was sad.  Sad remembering that it had been one month.

I'm sad that Elliott is no longer here on earth.  But, I've decided I'm so glad he was born in the fall.  Fall is my most favorite time of the year.  I love, love, love the changing leaves,  the crisp fall days and the smell of all things spicy and pumpkin.  Eggnog latte's arrive and so does Starbuck's "Pumpkin Spice".  I will always remember this time of year as Elliott's time.  October 13 will be etched in my mind forever. The day I became a Mommy again. Now, when I see the leaves changing color and the days getting shorter and colder.  Elliott will definitely be in the forefront of my mind.  What a sweet reminder for me.  That night seems like just yesterday.  When I close my eyes, unfortunately, it all comes back to me.  The phone call to my Mom to stay with Halle, the trip in the car to the ER, the Dr. telling me "Looks like you're having a miscarriage"....the cold harsh reality that I was going to give birth to our son that day.....four months too soon.  So, there you have it.  Here is how we are doing one.month.later.  If you asked me today, "How are you?" Because that seems to be the question of the hour...I would say "good".  Three weeks ago I would have said, "ok".  It's getting better.  I cry less....I'm still grieving....I still miss my son....my arms still ache without him in them.  But, I'm thankful, still so very thankful I carried him for 19 weeks.....11 weeks longer than I had carried any baby before.  I felt him move...all over the place (he was a mover & shaker...and did not like to be still).....I experienced childbirth and I get to see my sweet Elliott Aamodt again!