Wednesday, November 23, 2011


As the days move on things are becoming more normal at our house.  We are living and enjoying every day.  Remembering to be thankful, thankful for those 19 weeks Elliott was in our lives.  Thankful we got to hold him and count all his fingers and toes. Thankful we will receive his pictures today.  Thankful that my co-workers are letting me talk about Elliott and love to hear about him and his birth.  Thankful that November is National Adoption Month and the very month that our Halle came to live with us.  Thankful that our dear friend Rachel is pregnant with a little boy after many, many years of trying.  She and her husband, David and their son Hudson hold a very special place in our hearts.  We stayed with them in Austin, TX when we picked up Halle.  Thankful our friends and family are helping us search for the "perfect" gift for Halle...the Leap Frog Leappad Explorer Tablet.  They are, unfortunately, sold out every where.  Our hearts are healing slowly and we are aiming to be more intentional with our time and those we spend our time with.  Aaron and I are both looking forward to our appointment on Friday to get memorial tattoos celebrating Elliott and for me....the other three babies that are in Heaven with our Jesus.  The month of November holds many happy memories for us...the phone call from our adoption agency to let us know that we had been chosen to be Halle's Parent's, booking our plane tickets, flying to Tyler, Texas, meeting Halle and her Mommy Michelle, not to mention her fabulous Foster Family the Jones', staying with the Clark's who we had never met until the day we arrived at their house.  We instantly became fast friends.....knowing our Jesus brought us together for a reason.  The culmination of that week was flying home to arrive early on Thanksgiving morning with time to sleep and head out to spend the day with our family.  The best part of that day??  Introducing them to our daughter, Halle Grace.

But, this month is also bittersweet.  My Dad graduated to Heaven on November 25, just five years ago.  I know he is happy and whole, praising His Jesus and taking care of all my babies, but...that doesn't stop the sting, the hurt and the longing.  I know if he was here he would have so many faith-filled words of encouragement for Aaron and I.  I know he would race around with Halle and make her laugh, he'd probably teach her how to play all things sport related.  He would understand my struggle I'm having right now.  Yes, I'm still trying to understand why, if Elliott was going to heaven, did Jesus allow me to become pregnant?  I don't know if all of you know our history of infertility.  Never before was I able to conceive without infertility drugs.  Never. In November 2010 I felt Jesus was telling me to just trust Him and have faith.  So we stopped using birth control and 6 months later I found out I was pregnant with Elliott.  Our Jesus works in miracles....and Elliott was just that.  I have a close friend that I called when I found out I was pregnant.  She had been having a rough go of things, her Aunt had recently passed away unexpectedly and her cousin (her Aunt's daughter) who is also a classmate of mine,  had just found out she had breast cancer at 36.  Not easy things to take.  I knew she needed some happy news.  She was ecstatic when I told her our news.  Now, she like me is really struggling with the why's. She hugged me at church a few Sunday's ago with tears in her eyes.  Telling me she just didn't know what to say.  Sharing that she was having a hard time processing this.  You know what?  I love that about my friends.  They are honest and forthright.  I am so glad she told me that.

The message series at our church has been "Honest Answers for Hard Questions".  It has been so very good.  The other night I was reading my bible, going over some scripture I had marked during the message series.  It was hitting me right between the eyes.  Everything, I do mean everything I was reading was quietly saying patience. comfort. faith. perseverance.  Wow!  Aaron and I are often reminded of these things.  And we often think we have patience.  Sheesh, God has been working on that with us for at least six years.  You would think he was done teaching us.  Apparently not.  It's becoming clear He is teaching us many things through our sweet Elliott.  And you know what?  I'm also very thankful for that.  So, on this Thanksgiving Eve, would you join me in practicing thankfulness?  I'm certain there is at least one thing you can be thankful for.  If not, be thankful for Jesus and his unending faithfulness.  I know I am.


Cheryl said...

Wow April!! so amazing you are! You always make me cry with your posts. You surely have Grandma Rose's talent or gift for words!! Love you and your little family so much!! Glad to be your mom!

Dena said...

Love this post. (taking a bit to get caught up;) I love you. You all have been so graceful and honest during this whole grieving process. I'm in awe of what God is doing in your lives....what an incredible God we serve....I'm so blessed to be doing life along side of you!! (I'm digging the tat's, too!)